April 07, 2008

your names are dumb

"mara". the name mara, in the readings of buddhism, essentially means "evil bitch from hell". which brings me to my point: this nickname is retarded.

mara is short for tamara, but not really, because it doesn't cut "tamara" short, it cuts tamara before it even begins. this is not a nickname, this is the suffix of a name.

i will prove that this is stupid empirically. let's say that i wanted you to go to the kitchen, but instead i told you to go to then "chen". you would have no idea what i'm talking about, and therefore anyone who asks me to call them "mara" should be shot.

it should be law that anyone who arbitrarily truncates the first half of their name is required to be called "asshole" until they die. this actor who calls himself "topher grace" has adopted what must be the dumbest name of all time, and his credits would be a lot less offensive if it was listed as "asshole grace" instead. children all over the world would appreciate this fine name in the credits for win a date with ted hamilton, spiderman 3, and other crappy movies full of assholes.

you might be asking by this point, if someone named christopher can't call themselves topher, is it ok for them to call themselves chris? of course it is, this is a stupid question. "chris" is the beginning of a name, and by calling people "chris" we increase the efficiency of our communication without introducing any ambiguity. plus, we flaunt our capacity for being lazy, which as we all know is the true american dream.

then there are people named "robert" that call themselves "bob". this is possibly the most dickhead move you could make. this isn't a prefix, it isn't even a suffix, this is just plain re-writing. to all "bobs", "jacks", and "bills" who weren't born with the name, a better re-writing of your name would be "fuck you".

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at April 7, 2008 11:03 PM