September 30, 2005

why corporations suck

ATTN: ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING DIVISION

IT HAS COME TO IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT DELIVERY OF NEW PRODUCT DURING THE LAST FISCAL YEAR FELL SHORT OF MEETING MOORE'S LAW BY 6%.

WE ARE VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THIS AS STRICT ADHERENCE TO MOORE'S LAW IS A COMMITMENT TO OUR INVESTORS AND PRICED INTO ANALYST EPS CONSENSUS. AS SUCH, ALL ANNUAL BONUSES WILL BE WITHHELD UNTIL PRODUCTIVITY EXCEEDS MOORE'S LAW.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED DEDICATION. GO TEAM!

MANAGEMENT

-e

Posted by eviljack at 05:27 PM

September 03, 2005

its the chili peppers gettin down with the bow-wow

today i went to commerce bank at 5:00pm. it's saturday. their lobby was fully staffed. i went straight to a coin counting machine and started pouring my piggy bank into it. there were so many coins that the machine overflowed and i had to wait for a teller to change the bag before it could finish counting, for which they gave me a free gift. they then gave me $82.61 of cold, hard cash with no surcharge. nobody asked for my name or an account number.

now i realize why the guy who started commerce is a billionaire. who doesn't like free shit?!

-e

Posted by eviljack at 05:13 PM