October 02, 2006

american weddings

now that you're getting married, you must endure a very important activity: RANK YOUR FRIENDS. that's right, everyone you've ever known -- stack rank.

and then the best part. the top male and female must be recognized as the most superior and important of all friends. a small group of almost-as-good friends will be declared special and must buy clan outfits so ugly you are ensured they will never wear them again. (clearly these special friends came with the caveat of fucking you over in some way; they must be punished.) beyond this point in your list, everyone shall be banished unto a second-class citizen purgatory whereby NO SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENTS MAY BE MADE.

to all whom have made the cut: huzzah! secret parties! special honors! crappy speeches! may thou be the greatest of friends for all of time!

to everyone else: go fuck yourself!

-e

Posted by eviljack at 10:10 PM